THOSE ANCESTORS
The Taylor’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had travelled to America with the Pilgrim Fathers on the Mayflower. They had included Congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sports people and television stars.
They decided to research and write a family history, something for their children and grandchildren. They found a specialist genealogist and writer to help them. Only one problem arose – how to handle Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor who was executed in the electric chair.
The writer said she could handle the story tactfully. When the book appeared the section about Jefferson read:
Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, he was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.
A PIECE OF PUMPKIN PIE
Jolene was only 8 years old and lived with family in the country with her parents and brother. Consequently, they did not often have visitors from the city. One day Jolene’s mother said that father was bringing two guests home for Thanksgiving supper.
After they had enjoyed the turkey, Jolene went to the kitchen to help her mother, and proudly brought in the first piece of pumpkin pie and gave it to her father. He then passed the plate to a guest. When Jolene came in with the second piece and gave it to her father, he again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Jolene, who blurted out, ‘It’s no use, Daddy. The pieces are all the same size.’
COLD TURKEY
It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when Bobby Evans collapsed in a Wal-Mart in Worcester Massachusetts. Other customers gathered around and the first-aider was summoned. It did not look good for Bobby. There was blood coming out of his ear, his face looked white and he was unconscious.
The store manager dialed 911. When the medical team arrived, the first thing they did was take off Bobby’s hat. To everyone’s amazement, inside was a partially frozen turkey. What felled Bobby was the chill from turkey numbing his brain. The blood came from the giblets which had melted and leaked over his hair and down into his ear.
As it was Thanksgiving, the manager took pity. Rather than prosecuting the shop-lifter, gave him the partly thawed bird and sent Bobby on his way. Two days later the manager got a letter from Bobby apologizing for his behavior, and thanking the manager for his action. Also, inside the envelope was $15, the price of his turkey
The Tale of the Pregnant Turkey
One year at Thanksgiving, my brothers and I were invited to my sister Jenny’s house for the traditional feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister is, we decided to play a practical joke. My two brothers lured Jenny outside to check out some trees at the bottom of the garden.
As soon as Jenny left, I took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, and replaced it with a partridge. Then I replaced the bird carefully in the oven.
Later, when the turkey was cooked, my sister took the bird out of the oven. Then she decided to add the stuffing. Much to her amazement she found the partridge. At this point our mother piped up, “Jenny you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” With this Jenny started to cry.
It took my brothers and I until early evening to convince Jenny that turkeys lay eggs, and don’t give birth to live young.