I find it a rare occasion that someone gives you a special Thank You when you expend a lot of time and resources to make a difference in their life. So, I was delightfully surprised when this bouquet of flowers arrived unexpectedly. Thank you Brenda for the surprise, and especially for showing gratitude.
I purchased the Subaru in 2019. It is shown on my Miracle Story post.
Went to Toyota (closer than driving to Warren) to ask a question and ended up trading in my Subaru in top condition with low mileage.
Brenda, the Subaru is NOT yours until you pay back the loan.
What YOU did today?
I loaned you the money to purchase the car -and- I was there helping you.
Unfortunately the title was put solely in your name because I trusted you.
BIG MISTAKE.
Your Facebook post is what prompted adding the full story to the original Gratitude post.
Now for the full story … HOME HEALTH CARE
Explanation for Loan -and- Explanation for Seeking Payment
Kindness but lack of Wisdom bit me BIG time.
What I learned the hard way is that anyone can call themselves a Home Health Aide. … ASK FOR A LICENSE!
I was sick and in dire need of assistance. But alas, there was no one available at the time to help. It was then I decided to hire a Home Health Aide.
During the interview, I specifically asked if you would be available when I was sick. You answered in the affirmative. I offered you three hours per week to be fair to you, even though we basically chatted during that time. I did this so there would be someone to call when sick.
One day while chatting, you mentioned your dream was to have a good vehicle. I had just traded in my Subaru in top condition with low mileage. I had saved some money and put it aside for Home Health Care. Believing I had found someone trustworthy that I could count on for my remaining years, I offered to lend you my entire Home Health Care Savings (interest free) so you could buy your dream car. This was based on your word that you would be available when sick and pay $400 per month until loan was paid.
For scheduled help, we agreed on Tuesday afternoon. In November (after receiving the loan), I was sick for several days, but waited until Tuesday when I knew you would be here to help with a few tasks. Alas, you informed me you were not available in case I was contagious. Don’t believe that was the case, because I got sick shortly after eating something. However, what about using mask and gloves? Earlier that month, I made an appointment on the scheduled Tuesday that needed your help. Again, you were unavailable. Finally, made an appointment weeks in advance that needed your help. Yet again, you were unavailable.
In November we agreed (with your significant other as witness) that you would pay $400 per month until paid. This interest free loan would be paid within 4 years. This was acceptable at the time, since it was a combination of payments and work hours.
You are only paying $200 each month. Really Brenda … that would be 8+ years! Since you are unavailable when sick, there are no significant work hours. Thus, the timeline for repayment is unacceptable. I am in my late 70s on a fixed income. I need you to repay that loan asap so it is available to hire someone who is available when needed. You have more than enough to cover this loan even with taxes and penalty. You have used these resources before, so hoping you will do the honorable thing and pay off the loan.
When we met, I freely gave you both my trust and friendship. You have broken your word multiple times. Consequently, both now have to be earned, beginning with returning my Home Health Care savings.
The $25 was my opening deposit which she said would pay me. Nope!
Consequently, I withdrew it so Deposits would all be hers.
My trust and spirit are shattered -and-
I feel emotionally and financially swindled!
You NEVER addressed how your actions affected me.
“If a home health aide borrows money from a senior in Pennsylvania and does not pay it back, this could be considered financial exploitation under the Pennsylvania Older Adults Protective Services Act, which is a serious legal offense with potential consequences including criminal charges and civil lawsuits against the aide.”
My reply … We agreed on $400. Do you think it is fair to only pay $200, save thousands in interest, cost me hundreds in interest, and wait 8+ years to get my Home Health Savings back? (I am nearly 80 years old.)
And then you are upset that you had to wait a few minutes!…
After multiple exchanges, I am convinced this person does not know the meaning of honesty when it comes to personal responsibility. One example after much whining in response to the above reply …
Me … Your actions have shattered both my trust and my spirit. Why don’t you just do the honorable thing and use some of the money you have to pay back the loan?
Brenda … What money?
Me … The money you told me you have and used part of it before. The taxes and penalty are less than the interest you would be paying a bank. Alternatively, use the car as collateral with Rob or a friend to cosign a bank loan.
Brenda … I’m done here don’t text me anymore.
FINAL THOUGHTS … Kindness and lack of wisdom bit me BIG time.
Unfortunately the person I hired as Home Health Aide when needed and took into my heart as friend, turned out to be dishonest. She has to be right by changing what she says, and sends verbal barbs to me whenever I ask her to be accountable. She does have more than enough to do the honorable thing, but chooses to play the victim instead of paying back the loan. I NEVER agreed to $200 per month, or told her to pay what she could. Given my age (nearly 80) and timeline to recover my Home Health Savings to use as needed, does that even make sense?! The following are just a few snippets of text.
Changes what she says to always be right …
BRENDA 2/3 Monday
I hope you made ok last week with the dogs.
BRENDA 2/5 Wednesday
Do I take it your not talking to me?
ME 2/5 Wednesday
There was nothing to say.
BRENDA 2/5 Wednesday
Well I did ask how things went with the dogs?
BRENDA 1/13 Monday
Hi just wanted to keep ya in the loop. Sometime this week I’m going to be depositing $200.00 as you know I was off sick & had covid.
ME 1/19 Sunday
I am concerned that you have broken your word multiple times.
BRENDA 1/19 Sunday
I sent you a text & told you I wasn’t sure when I would get it in the bank.i was to get paying on the 15th & they were late got paid Friday.
Verbal unkindness …
Really Brenda! It is not enough that you swindled me emotionally and financially, but you also have to continually add verbal assaults in your texts.
I was never unkind in my texts -and- I never threatened to block her.
BRENDA 2/18 Tuesday
I’m done here don’t text me anymore.
MY THOUGHT – Honored her request and did not text.
BRENDA 2/19 Wednesday
If you wish to talk like an adult
Things you say shows me why you don’t have anyone in your life
If it doesn’t stop I will block you
BRENDA 1/19 Sunday
It saddens me how you want our friendship on your terms.
MY THOUGHT – What friendship? Even when things are difficult, friends do not give verbal barbs or have to always be right. Things were ok until I gave her the loan (Facebook post above). Things were not ok when she had to make the first payment.
BRENDA
I do have several options open to me.
Hope lives eternal, and maybe, by some miracle, you will do the honorable thing.
OPTIONS
Hard to believe a person could take advantage of a kind, caring, tender hearted friend/person, agreeing to pay back in specific amounts then not hold to the agreement. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I pray that this person will realize her end of the agreement is not being met and start paying back as agreed. 🙏🙏
What I find to be really sad about this situation, is we could have come to a mutually beneficial solution. Rather than unilaterally deciding she couldn’t afford the $400 / month agreed upon when accepting the loan, she could have talked with me. For example, pay what she could and withdraw the remainder of the $400 from her retirement account. I would have continued to have her as my Home Health Aide, with both client/provider and friendship solid relationships. Instead she lost both.
I hope you can recover your loan – and in less than 8 years!
An option ( I think) would be for her to sell the car – preferably privately – buy basic transportation outright and return the $ balance to you. Since she would not have a car payment, she could then pay $200 a month until the much-reduced remainder was paid off.
Just an idea. She would shed this large obligation and you would be repaid.
Great idea. But she already has the money to pay off her “dream” car. She just wants to keep the money she has, keep the car, drag out the payments for years, and pay no interest for the loan. Being nearly 80 years old, maybe she is counting on my passing, which makes sense to drag out the payments.
Ha! I know a little about your family, and I wouldn’t count on you going anywhere! 😉